FRIENDS, COHORTS, FLAMINGO ENTHUSIASTS:
Flamingo Flocking season is here and we have confirmed reports that large flocks of flamingos will soon be landing on the lawns of area residents sometime in the near future. You can help with this madness by ordering a flock of your own and sending it to your loved one, your enemy, or your frenemy.
WARNING: YOUR YARD COULD BE IN THEIR MIGRATION PATH!
Our highly confidential sources tell us that these particularly plastic birds tend to show up in the dark of night, accompanied by a couple of members of the Lighthouse for Veterans Team, who generally try their best to not laugh too loudly as they plant flocks of pink flamingos on local lawns.
Not only is flocking someone a great way to enjoy the summer, you are also helping your beloved organization, Lighthouse for Veterans, raise funds as we turn our neighborhoods pink!
Should you wake up one morning to a sea of pink flamingos on your lawn, take heart! There will be instructions on how, for a small donation of $40 for residential and $80 for a business, the nice and highly skilled Removal Technicians from LFV will come remove the pesky birds.
Your lawn gets de-flamingoed and this worthy, non-profit, Lighthouse for Veterans, will get the funds needed to continue in our efforts to prevent Veteran Suicide.
GOT A FLAMINGO-PHOBIA?
No worries! You too can purchase a Flamingo Flocking Insurance policy for just $25. Once again, all monies will go to LFV and your home will be spared the embarrassment of blushing in various shades of pink!
DON’T GET MAD, GET EVEN!
Should you find a flamingo flock in your yard, you can “share the joy” by contacting the nice folks at Lighthouse for Veterans, making a small donation for flamingo removal, and then you can send the flock packing…. TO ANYONE ELSE IN TOWN!
(And, before anyone asks the question, the answer is YES…while it may not be entirely ethical, we DO take BRIBES, in the form of the highest donation offered, to flock and re- flock anyone who hasn’t already had the good sense to purchase a Flamingo Flocking Insurance Policy!)
So go ahead, tell us who’s yard you want flocked. And remember, this fundraiser goes through the end of Summer, so make sure you get to all your friends on your list!
Questions about our flocking fundraiser? Email firstname.lastname@example.org